I only have a few minutes to write as we are in the final stages of getting our oldest, Kaden, packed for college. We leave in the morning and my heart is heavy…and ecstatic. For almost my ENTIRE adult life, Kaden has been a part of every decision, every thought, every event. He and I grew up together. That’s what happens when you have a baby while still a baby. In those early stages of infancy–he as a human, me as a mom–I remember telling myself, “if I can just get him to 18; if I can just make it til he graduates; if I can just keep him alive for that long, we will have made it!” (I know, my standards were so high!) But, those early days were some of the hardest, loneliest days of my entire life. And, Kaden was my constant companion. I had NO idea how to parent, much less disciple, but he didn’t care.
And, now, here we are at the symbolic finish line I’ve been working towards for the past 18 years. I’m a little lost. I’ve never been an adult without my constant companion. However, it’s his turn now to be an adult and I find myself wanting to be his constant companion. He doesn’t need me, though…and that, my friends is reason to celebrate.
My hope and prayer as a mom is that I will slowly wean my children off of me–my opinions, thoughts, faith–and that they would take hold of their own Faith. I don’t want them to be like me. I want them to be like Jesus. The only way that happens is to let them go…and allow the Spirit to be their constant companion. How else will they be “Kingdom Bringers?” or “World Changers?”
It sucks, though. It’s hard. It’s brutal at times. But, His love never gives up on us. His grace won’t run out. God’s favorite activity is redemption. My anchor for the next stage of parenting is that Truth. (well, that and a lot of emotional eating and shopping).
I’ll wrap up with a precious gift God gave me on Friday night (an especially difficult day). I received the facebook message from one of our favorite babysitters when Kaden and Kendall were little. She is a rare gem and we’ve celebrate her many, many accomplishments. Now, one more reason to celebrate.