I climbed a 14er. Kinda.
I am trying to unpack the past few weeks. It seems God is materializing a long-held dream of mine. I’m not sure how it will unfold, or if it will look the way I think, but I’m excited to confidently walk each step. No, it’s not a book deal. It’s so much bigger than that personal dream. It’s a dream I quietly voiced to Him 6 or 7 years ago, but one I’ve dreamt even longer but never had the courage to whisper.
There’s a fire burning in my soul. And, SheSpeaks was kerosene. And, y’all…Christine Caine! She is a petite lil pit bull–I don’t mean Mr. 305, Pitbull. I mean a fierce, ferocious, faithful, kick a$$ female preacher (can I say that?). This little baptist girl did NOT know what to do when Christine started preaching. I am fairly certain my denomination was showing until the end when Christine said in her Aussie accent, “Okay, some of you may not know what to do, but I believe in anointing and I’d like to anoint you to go out and make His name famous. If you want to receive an anointing stand and raise your hands.”
I came thisclose to standing on the table. I wanted to throw my hands in the air and wave ’em round like I just don’t care. I’m pretty sure I almost spoke in tongues. I desperately wanted an anointing.
Okay, now that I’ve scared most of you. Let me reassure you. There’s a fire in my soul. I’m guessing I’m not the only one.
The past 10 years have been the most difficult of my adult life that weren’t born out of my own sin and rebellion. I walked with the Lord consistently, yet, I was unsure I would experience the mountain top again. Together, He walked with me through some dark, dark valleys emotionally. He encouraged me through my tears of thinking I surpassed my capacity as a mother (I am a great 3 kid mom however I have 4 kids). He miraculously showed me His power through Stefan’s stroke; and, he comforted me the year after while we navigated Stefan’s personality changes, memory loss, and survivor’s guilt. He reminded me that although people (including myself) are disappointing, He will never disappoint.
There is so much more I could write. But, what I want to say is this: Never once did He leave us on our own. Never once. But, He also didn’t make it easy. Nor should He.
Yesterday, Stefan took Kase and Kyle to climb a 14er. I don’t even know what that means other than it’s a really high mountain. I did spiritual things too–like watch the Bachelorette finale so I can stay relevant and current for my readers. There are many metaphors one can construe through trashy television. Everything I do, I do for you.
Anyway, the boys made it to the top of Humbolt. It was treacherous, dangerous, and arduous. The conditions weren’t favorable: rain, sleet, ice. Their lungs hurt. Their legs hurt. Their fingers were frozen. Each step was wet, muddy, and one step closer to the end of their journey.
But, they made it.
Except today at lunch, the youngest recanted saying, “I’ll probably try it again next year.”
Because in retrospect, it’s all worth it.
The journey to the top of the mountain is painful. It’s brutal at times. The conditions aren’t always favorable. We vow that we are never going to climb again. It’s never easy. Nor should it be.
Because, through the difficulty, we’ll look back on our trek and recognize each step of the way was worth it. Each painful inhale, each sloppy, wet step, each painfully cold memory is worth it. We made it. And, we are better for it. Our character is at stake. Our dependence is at stake. Our faith is at stake.
So, now as I stand on the cusp of this new thing God is unleashing in my life, I realize that the journey is worth it. The dark days, the painful paths, the lonely hikes, the un-invited, un-asked for, unfavorable, destructive conditions were all necessary for my dependence on Christ and my recognition of God’s faithfulness.
I am not naive. There will be more arduous and un-wanted journeys. But, I want to celebrate the mountaintop today. After all, it took 10 years to get here.
I don’t know where you are on your journey, but He has not forsaken you. He has not left you to fend for yourself. He has not abandoned you. He is with you. Every step of the painful, beautiful, difficult, treacherous, necessary way.
And, if you need me to remind you that the fire in your soul is still there, I will.
I may even ask you to raise your hands and stand on the table for an anointing.