the Gospel and Jimmy Choos
My life has looked a lot like this lately:
I’ve ignored my family, my friends, text messages, emails, and personal hygiene the past 11 days. I’ve also ignored phone calls, but that’s not new for me. I ignore phone calls whether I’m writing or holding the phone in my hand. It’s so bad my mom has replaced her normal, “Hi, how are you?” with “Hi, thanks for answering!” See, it’s not just you. I ignore phone calls from my own mother.
I have not ignored eating. That would be preposterous and ludacris (I actually like spelling ludicrous like the rapper–I feel like it gives me street cred with youngsters. Although since I just said “youngsters,” I’ve lost all street cred. It’s like one step forward and two steps back with that posse).
No wonder Miley is so confused.
Anyway, I found out 11 or so days ago that I got an appointment with a publisher at SheSpeaks. I also found out that I would need to present a book proposal and 2 to 3 chapters of proposed book.
(Thankfully, they emailed to tell me and did not call me.)
Needless to say, I was thrilled…for all of 12 seconds until I realized I had neither a book proposal nor chapters written for proposed book.
To say the past 11 days have been miraculous is an understatement. God proved faithful yet again! He woke me up early one morning with a book idea (He often speaks to me early in the morning. I think because I’m not a morning person and my brain doesn’t function in the morning, so when a coherent thought breaks through the brain fog, I have little doubt it’s God. It also helps me recognize it’s not me…I can be as prideful as I am insecure. So, that’s fun).
He equipped me with energy I don’t normally possess. He worked out details and time for my friends whom I asked to edit, proof-read, and constructively critique my work. He gifted grace to my children and husband as I barricaded myself behind a computer screen and they functioned without mama. He supplied Stefan with the exact words of encouragement and affirmation as I hit a wall on Tuesday and may have a had a slight breakdown in my big girl room; complete with tears, guilt, doubt, panic, and general craziness. God paved the road, meticulously going before me, so I could walk this journey of writing–His truths through my voice, verbiage, and my comprehensive vocabulary the hip youngsters use.
And, y’all! Right now, I sit in the conference hotel, just outside of Charlotte, NC, with a completed book proposal with two chapters of proposed book ready and waiting for God to do with it as He sees fit.
But, I have a confession.
This morning, I met Dana for coffee in the coffee shop downstairs. She in her workout clothes and I in my PJs (that should give you a good indication of how we spent our morning). Both of us wearing no make up (thankfully, I brushed my teeth and threw on a bra–because all things are optional when I have a day off!) As we stood in line, I started to assess the other women around us. They were fancy. And, I don’t mean Iggy’s fancy. They were Kate Middleton fancy. Well dressed. Perfect coiffures. And, if I knew what Jimmy Choo shoes looked like in real life, I’m sure these women were wearing them.
I am wearing PAJAMAS. Did you catch that? Oh, and my sweater is on inside out. Now, everyone knows I’m a medium. Great. I am to them what pre-adolescent, head-gear wearing, acne laden seventh graders are to popular, toothy smiling, car driving, fresh face donning seniors.
I wanted to run back up to my room, fall into bed, and ask God why I even came to this conference in the first place.
(Obviously, only after I received my white chocolate mocha.)
What is it with us women? Or, maybe it’s just me. One minute I am completely confident and comfortable in the skin God’s graciously given me; and, the next minute, I look around a coffee shop and doubt my value, my relevance, and my usefulness to the kingdom.
If God has taught me one thing over and over and over (clearly I’m bull-headed), it’s this: there’s room at the table for all of us.
There is an enormous amount of diversity, creativity, personality, passion, and ambition in the Kingdom of God. And, there needs to be. As long as the goal is the gospel, the course to the goal is different for everyone. We need diversity to reach all the peoples with the hope of the One who frees the enslaved, forgives the guilty, restores the broken, and loves the unloveable.
There’s room for the woman with the Jimmy Choo shoes. There’s room for the woman struggling with addiction. There’s room for the woman who’s depressed. There’s room for the woman who feel less than. There’s room for the woman who’s self-righteous. There’s room for the woman who’s afraid. There’s room for the woman with the secret sins and shame. There’s room for the woman who’s never had a bad day. There’s room for the widow, the married, the divorced, the separated, the whore, and the chaste. There’s room for the woman who wears a medium sweater inside out over her PJs feeling inadequate in a coffee shop. There’s room for you.
I don’t want to look back on the faithfulness of God and doubt my present circumstance (hello, Israelites!). I experienced God’s faithfulness so clearly the past 11 days and I almost allowed a lapse of doubt and insecurity to paralyze me with fear all while questioning whether or not I have value to God and will He use me? Can He use me? There’s so many others who seem better qualified, but none can do the work He has prepared for me. And, none can do the work He’s prepared for you.
He has wired us uniquely, creativity, and passionately for the work He prepared for us (see Ephesians 2:10 if you don’t believe me). He’s marked out a course for us, the goal is the same, but the beauty is in the unique journey. Don’t let fear, insecurity, doubt, and comparison steal your resolve. Be you! Do the work! Remember His faithfulness.
I’m determined to cheer you on as you pursue the work He has made for you and made you for.
But, I won’t call you to cheer you on. Expect a text.